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Bleak and Colorful

by jockey

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1.
PAINTERS TAPE Painters tape, hair falls on the ground Gave you a Mohawk in the bathroom of my house Eyes grown wide, crossed out hands and crooked smiles Remnants of youth swept across the broken tile Across the broken tile The program from your funeral hangs above my bed Photographs and memories are all I have left Writing down the words I wish I said to make amends Crammed into letters that I know will not be read I know they won’t be read Lights go out and I’m standing here alone Tears fall down as I’m picking up the phone Don’t be now, since you’ve gone away, A picture on my wall and the things I didn’t say
2.
’m sorry about the mess There’s just too much to clean off of my desk And the piles of clothes down on the floor You can kick them aside just to walk through the door Cause I’m over here I’m stuck in my head Waiting for a reason to get out of my bed Is it you? Is it my job? Is it you I’m sorry about the mess I haven’t had a second to catch my breath You can throw it in the back Or shove it on the floor Whatever gets you in the passenger seat of my car I want to drive Wherever we can go We can take all of the old backroads I don’t care where we go As long as it’s with you
3.
Unwell 03:42
Find me on my knees when I can’t stand Looking in the mirror with glass in my hand Tell me if you think that I’m worth the wait I don’t want you to find me until I’m better I’m tired of waiting for something When all that I see are the scars on my feet And I’m tired of waiting For something that I only see when I sleep And I’m dying to feel The life that I’m missing but who am I kidding I’m lost, I’m found I’m lost again but I’ll be around If I try, close my eyes and finally make it through one fucking night But I’m unwell
4.
I can’t bother to last Save my breath, it fogs the glass And I, can’t see clearly Can you hear me? There’s no one else around To pick my head up from off the ground and I’m going down And what will be done when I decide that I’m done And I drive my car into the lake by your house Can you hear me?
5.
Corduroy 02:26
Corduroy, nothing but thread Woven in the things that you said Flowers grow on the side Of the road that i lied Days go by too fast Corduroy, glued to my legs Am I the man I was then? Where will I be tonight Sleeping in my corduroys, left on the light Days go by too slow
6.
Hole in the wall Light flickers between my eyes And I’d sleep forever But it takes time that I don’t have It’s a slow burner A garden That I’ll forget Until there’s nothing in my heart Till there’s nothing (how long will I be like this?) in my heart It takes time That I don’t have Held up in cardboard walls Too scared to fight Reach from a hole in a hole Ladder never reaches light That’s what you wanted right? My internal dog fight Small hand Big knife
7.
Feel this Taste the words upon my lips I can’t live without your love I don’t want your thoughtless touch Desperate Hear your voice inside my head See your shadow in my bed Much too hard to let go of If I’m too much you were never enough Break me Make me feel and leave me be Take the blood inside of me Should’ve never known your love Buried Make me stop right in my tracks Said that you were coming back I thought that you were coming back If I’m too much you were never enough I closed my eyes I bit my tongue If I’m too much you were never enough
8.
Serrated 04:17
Hollow footsteps on the floor Disappear Leading nowhere Nothing left for me here I’ve succumb Come undone I am bleak, I am colorful The serrated hands of god Hold me now Hold me down Let me in Is this how it ends? I am bleak, I am colorful Fell asleep, at the helm I’ve forgotten what it means, to be myself

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released January 27, 2023

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jockey Dallas, Texas

Dfw fast and sad

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